What If
by cal 'n clio
Summary: What if Itachi DIDN'T slaughter his clan? What if Jiraiya accepted to becoming Hokage? What if Asuma quit smoking? So many questions, so little time.


**Question: What if Itachi _didn't_ slaughter his clan?**

* * *

_Bored, bored, bored._

Itachi yawned. The day was proving to be an uneventful one. Actually, now that he thought about it, all his days were rather uneventful. He'd been in ANBU for a little over four years and his little brother, although still pathetic and unable to throw a kunai properly, had grown up and recently graduated from the academy.

_Bored, bored, bored._

He idly wondered what time it was. There were no clocks on the kitchen wall and his pathetic attempt at reading the newspaper was starting to make his head hurt. Of course, none of this mattered. He knew his mission was four hours away, give or take a few minutes.

_Bored, bored, bored. _

"_Nii-san_! I'm home!" a voice shattered his dreary afternoon. Itachi's face grew, if possible, even more somber.

"Here," he drawled. Perhaps the twelve-year-old would provide some entertainment, dense as he was. Itachi winced as his younger brother burst in and dumped his bag on the table. "Don't mess up the table."

Sasuke snorted. "You sound like _Kaa-san_. Hey, are you going on a mission?"

"Not until later," Itachi answered without thinking. He stared at the bag obsessively, wishing it would stop cluttering the space on the table.

Sasuke's smile grew large as Itachi's . "Then you can help me train—!"

The older Uchiha scowled; as if he wanted to spend a few hours aimlessly beating the crap out of his brother. Sasuke was becoming obsessed with training with him, claiming that he'd become strong enough to whoop his 19-year-old Jounin butt someday. Itachi was pretty sure that their father indirectly put him up to it. Damn him.

More importantly, the table wasn't getting any cleaner. Wordlessly annoyed, he picked up the bag with one hand and chucked it at Sasuke. "Not today. I don't feel like it."

Sasuke looked disappointed. Still, he didn't complain like he normally did. Instead, he sat down across from his brother.

"Hey… _Nii-san_?"

_Bored, bored, bored. _

"Hm?" He winced when he realized that by answering he was only aggravating his situation.

"I kind of have a problem…"

_Bored, bored, bored. _

"Ah." Itachi didn't care. He hoped Sasuke would get the hint and take his troubles away with him, but _nooo_…

"…It's about…girls…"

Oh, God.

"Ah."

_Bored, bored, bored. _

"Well, it's about _one_ girl actually," Sasuke said in a rush. "In our Genin team, there's this one girl, and…"

Itachi wanted to throw a kunai through his head. Or at least strangle something (funny, these murderous urges have been growing stronger since he turned 16). He wondered vaguely what he had done in his past life to deserve torture as extreme as listening to his little brother's girl problems.

"… then she tried to grab me! Are girls supposed to _DO_ that Nii-san? 'Cause it doesn't seem right…"

Still, the kunai idea was growing more appealing by the minute…

Hm, now that he thought about it, what would his dad look like with a kunai poking out of his head? Or a _kodachi_… wouldn't that be fun?

_I'd use a _tanto _for_ Okaa-san, he decided a few minutes later, when Sasuke _still_ hadn't stopped talking_. I could pull hers out in half a second and she wouldn't realize it. A _katana_ for _Otou-san_, since he made me use that damn sword after he found out I preferred the _kodachi_…_

His eyes fell on his still talking brother. _Probably a set of _shuriken_, since he keeps asking me to chuck some at him all the time._ _He probably hasn't figured out that I miss on purpose yet…_

"…but I _can't_ like her, 'cause she's _annoying_ and…"

_Weak_, he thought suddenly. _Tch. Well, maybe if he had enough motivation, he'd do okay. But really. Weak… _

Itachi yawned again. Sasuke didn't notice.

_If I unceremoniously killed everyone, would he even care?_ Itachi wondered. Sasuke was brat, no doubt about that. Still, he tended to get obsessive. Maybe if he had less people pampering him he'd actually put up a good fight. _There was an idea._

He clutched a kunai in his back pouch and fiddled with the handle.

* * *

**Answer: He'd still do it eventually.**


End file.
